What the sh*t Skyfall?

Skyfall is coming... Any time now.

By Donnelly. David Donnelly.

It's not everyday that the highly anticipated Bond 23 is released. In fact, depending on where you live it could take weeks to trickle down to your slice of the world.  Take Australia for example, the film is released to the public on the 22nd November, while the Premiere took place all the way back in October (on the 23rd to be exact).  Given there was a delay to most regions, we are still seeing the staggered release approach usually reserved for much less sought after, box office record-breaking fare.

The Middle East and Africa, generally speaking, were the first cabs off the rank, receiving Skyfall as early as October 26th.  Whilst most of Latin America and Europe got their first taste of Bond towards the start of November.  That's before even North America, where the film opened to mostly positive reviews in it's widest, highest grossing release to-date, on November 9th.  Meanwhile us Aussie's are sitting over here, presumably throwing another shrimp on the barbie, while we wait for the rest of the world to come to us.  That's comparatively late even for Asia Pacific, with most of our region screening to the public at the start of the month.



Following the poor U.S. Box office performance of the Timothy Dalton film, Licence to Kill, the release of Bond films have traditionally taken place between October 31st and mid-December to avoid the risk posed by the minefield that is the summer blockbuster season.  In all likelihood, Australia was the last stop on the world wind tour to celebrate Bond's 50th anniversary, with 007 himself, Daniel Craig attending the Australian Premiere in Sydney. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they didn't just phone this one in, but still, Why were we left so long to salivate like Pavlovian dogs?

I'm probably too close to this to be able to write objectively with any form of sincerity. As a Bond fan and self-confessed cinephile, a delay of 24 hours would have prompted a similar response - more Hulk than Bruce Banner.

But with the proliferation of torrenting sites such as Pirate Bay - which have been the subject of considerable media attention (read: a copyright proprietor lead witch hunt) in recent times - but hey, there's no such thing as bad press, right? - I would have thought that a simultaneous release date would have been the way to avoid the high seas of piracy.  And yet, Universal, Sony Pictures and MGM still consider Australia to occupy that region of the map marked "here be dragons"... and the von Trapps.

That is of course, unless they already have the piracy side of things covered. Less of a random torrent-able simulacrum, more of a personal statement.

Perhaps a strongly worded letter to the custodians of the Bond legacy is in order.  Just to say "Hey, with the advances of modern technology, Australia isn't so far to come when Bond 24 is released, so don't leave it so long between Vesper Martini's.  And yes our toilet's flush in the opposite direction."

Don't look now, it's a chair!

Facebook advertising - You're doing it wrong

By Kate Doyle

On October 4th 2012, Facebook (the social Media platform that has changed the way gen Y communicates) released it's very first television commercial.
Now ignoring the quality and copy of the ad (more about that later), the biggest question is: Why? Why would Facebook need to spend thousands of dollars to produce and screen a commercial for television when you consider around 15% of the entire worlds population (over 1 billion people) are active users. Surely that is enough users on your website.
Maybe advertising the advertising features of Facebook (i.e. how they make money) would be an effective strategy. Maybe they were trying to improve their branding, and not gain more users.
Consider this for a second, Companies all around the world are introducing social media marketing strategies, using video and on-line platforms for their brand building and generally starting to move away from expensive television real estate (obviously not completely...yet). You would assume that one of the websites pioneering this change in commercial advertising, would use this alternative platform, instead of the traditional television advertising.

But let's not rationalise the methods of a crazy man (have you seen the Social Network?), lets just read what he has to say for himself.

“Celebrating a billion people is very special to me," he said. "It’s a moment to honour the people we serve. For the first time in our history, we've made a brand video to express what our place is on this earth... We belong to a rich tradition of people making things that bring us together."

So it was a branding video, ah it makes sense now... wait, their place in this world? To understand our confusion, maybe you should watch the ad.



So, Facebook's place in the world is for us to sit on, press, walk all over and dance on whilst trying not to get sucked into black holes? Lets analyse line for line.


Chairs. Chairs are made so that people can sit down and take a break. 

Yes, chairs are made for people to park their asses on to relieve the pressure on their feet. Some people also happen to stand on chairs to get a much needed height boost.

 Anyone can sit on a chair and, if the chair is large enough, they can sit down together. And tell jokes. Or make up stories. Or just listen.

You'll also find that if a chair is big enough to sit together on, it becomes a couch, or bench, or really god-damned squish.

Chairs are for people. 
Again, Chairs are for sitting.

And that is why chairs are like Facebook.
Huh?

Doorbells. Airplanes. Bridges. 
Are nothing like chairs, go on...


These are things people use to get together, so they can open up and connect about ideas and music and other things that people share.
Um, Doorbells are for people to let other people know they are on the other side of a solid object that keeps people apart. Airplanes are for people to move long distances in the quickest way they can, much like boats, cars and other vehicles. And bridges are for people to cross bodies of water or to cut from point A to point B easily.
Wait, in my complaining, I have said "such-and-such" is for people.., maybe these advertising hacks are on to something.

Dance floors. Basketball. A great nation. A great nation is something people build so they can have a place where they belong.
How is a great nation like a dance floor?
Sorry that's not a joke, that's a serious question, now I'm thinking they're just putting random words together.

The Universe. It is vast and dark. And it makes us wonder if we are alone. So maybe the reason we make all of these things is to remind us that we are not.
So now you're randomly throwing in the big question, is that what you're doing here? Maybe you should take a long look at that sentence, comparing Facebook to something you say makes you wonder if we are alone. Do you realise Mr. advertising person that there is a massive debate about how social media platforms are causing a form of social-retardation amongst the vulnerable and young.  


Now I wont say that I am an expert in marketing, but I think I know what people want to see in videos. And to be honest this is spot on, most people want to see something they can take the piss out of and parody for their own YouTube view counts.


Bellow are a few examples of parodies people have already made. Do you think the creative genius' in the marketing department knew this was going to happen? It is very possible that this was the plan all along. Create something so bad it's good, have people spread the word for you and become a viral hit! While this is a marketing technique we've seen before, I seriously doubt that was the intent, considering this is a 'branding' video. We can only wait and see where the world will go with this, and to be honest, I'm not sure I really care.

Meanwhile... In Germany.

How Fails help us to publicly indulge our schadenfreude... without fail

By David Donnelly

Note: Our ice-capading hero (a.k.a. Gustav Von Fracturedtailbone) drops a bunch of expletives at 0:20 but it really adds something in terms of foreshadowing and narrative arc, so watch that part if you think you can handle it. 
Proving that some lessons are better learnt from first hand experience, this week's chart topping viral video is an all too familiar sight. Ah yes, the ol' cannonball into a frozen pool. That always ends well (spoiler alert: it doesn't). Autsch!

Part of the allure of the Internet has always been the way that seemingly obscure photos, videos and web pages gain momentum and begin to invade all facets of popular culture. Before the advent of sites such as Youtube and Flickr, these Internet memes clogged our email inboxes. Now they’re also on blogs, prime-time television, nightly newscasts and being shared across Facebook and Twitter.

Until recently, the most popular viral video was the infamous "Gangnam Style", but this intelligent, coccyx-breaking, cannonballing enthusiast has knocked Psy off the top spot, being shared 1,200,756 times in the last 7 days, compared to 776,430 shares for the K-Pop anthem, as of October 23rd.

In terms of virality, the Fail meme has been prevalent since the turn of the century and is internet slang to denote situations with unfortunate outcomes. Fail or Epic Fail is commonly superimposed as a caption on to photo's or short videos depicting people falling short of their expectations. Although Slate stipulates that:

The highest form of fail—the epic fail—involves not just catastrophic failure but hubris as well... Totaling your pickup not because the brakes failed but because you were trying to ride on the windshield. Not just destroying your fish tank but doing it while trying to film yourself lifting weights.

Variations include Imminent Fail - to denote the seconds prior to a failure and Owned (Pwned) - synonymous with a high degree of failure, the term strongly implies domination, severe defeat, and/or humiliation of a rival, among others.

The earliest documented usage of the term “FAIL” can be traced back to a Japanese 16-bit scrolling shooter game, Blazing Star (1998), often mocked for its grammatically incorrect “game over” message that reads:

YOUR SKILL IS NOT ENOUGH-

SEE YOU NEXT TIME- BYE BYE.”

As seen with the All Your Base are Belong to Us meme:

Retro video game narrative + Engrish = powerful source of lulz.

The Fail meme hit widespread notoriety and popularity in May of 2008, marked by the launch of Failblog, a guide to the taxonomy of fail and a chronicler of humiliation, which has sparked a proliferation of sub-genres and spin-offs to the traditional fail. Subsequently our need for the traditional push media format of Funniest Home Videos has been superseded by the internet and it's application as an outlet for expressing our schadenfreude out loud.

And as the pop cultural yardstick, The Simpsons eloquently illustrates (pun-intended) just how content we are with viewing the failure of others, particularly when it involves people hurting themselves for comedic effect.